When parents talk about the temper tantrums of their children, almost all of them have one thing in mind; they want out of the pain and misery of the repeated tantrums. They want to do something about the situation. Many of these parents have done their research and manage to handle the situation fairly well, yet find tantrums still persist. In addition, there are still a huge number of parents who need to have a better understanding of these tantrums and how to deal with the situation better.
A lot has been written about temper tantrums and the right way to approach them. Yet, much of the commonly shared information on the Internet is misleading at best, and our right bad for children at it’s worst.
While many claim to be experts, it is better to seek out the guidance of a real parenting expert. Such experts will generally agree on most of the components of stopping those awful temper tantrums.
It is universally agreed that the first and foremost issue to examine is the role of parental modeling and anger management. While this takes our focus off the child for a moment, this understanding is critical.
If parents model reactive tendencies, and are getting upset in front of the children, it is logical that the child will learn from this.
And learn they do! This is the most powerful way that we teach. So if we want to take the first step at eliminating tantrums, we must first eliminate our own grown up tantrums.
Two additional factors can also contribute to making horrible tantrums persist. First, if we try to prevent tantrums, we end up in trouble. We start dancing around the possible upsets, and yound children quickly grow to understand this.
They see us dancing, and the power of the ‘dreaded’ tantrum. So once a child learns this, they then use their emotional meltdowns to manipulate and control the home. Thus, don’t try to avoid tantrums, when these are occurring in response to normal, everyday changes that children must adjust to.
Instead, allow the tantrum without dancing around it. If you need to remove the child, then do so. But don’t compromise your integrity about good choices, just to try to avoid a dreaded tantrum. In the long run, this will be better for everyone.
The last way that our parental choices worsen tantrums is by negotiating or arguing with the child who is tantruming. The more we do this, the more it strengthens the tantrum. Not just in small ways, but in very significant ways.
So, when a tantrum is seen coming because you son has to put away the Lego’s, then don’t hesitate on your rules. Don’t get soft or inconsistent.
Stick to your rules. Allow the tantrum without trying to avoid it, and ultimately let the child find their way through it. This approach will free you and your child, in the long term. In the short term, simply know that your child will get through it…just as millions of others have.
To learn more about how to deal with tantrums please refer to Dr. Randy Cale a Licensed Child Psychologist with years of experience in parent coaching at http://terrificparenting.com/parenting-solutions/tantrum-fixer/child-tantrum.htm. Dr. Cale’s programs can help you get through your child's temper tantrums!
